Hey all -
It's been a long time! Woah! What have I been up to since I last posted in January?! Life has been crazy - diving into my second semester at Luther Seminary, baking like mad, and continuing to work with St. Andrew's Lutheran Church in Grand Rapids, MN. I've also decided to enter the candidacy process for ordained ministry.
What does this mean? I thought I was going to be a baker, or work for social justice, poverty awareness non-profit. I thought I was going to do anything other than be a pastor. I thought my calling to serve rural communities wasn't going to mean pastoring a parish. All I can say is that the Spirit moves in crazy ways, and has brought to light that I need to stop fighting the idea of being a pastor. Being a pastor has been something I've been thinking about ever since 8th grade, in confirmation. I remember clearly sitting with my confirmation peers around the table in the basement of our church and we were talking about our hopes and dreams and futures like we had an inkling of it what look like, and I said that I planned to go to seminary and be ordained. Fast forward through high school, and my ideas had changed. I thought maybe I'd be a high school teacher, a professor, a professional student, a writer - a career in the church wasn't in my vision.
Funny how that works. I entered college, and was given the opportunity to be involved in several campus ministry groups (chapel, Exit to Hope, small groups), and I visited Luther Seminary twice. Immediately, it felt right. In hindsight, the Spirit was moving there, too. I ended up enrolling at the Seminary in the fall of 2013, after serving for a year at Holden Village as a Lead Cook. I had many good, deep, intentional conversations over those years where people suggested I should enter pastoral ministry. "No," I'd think, "I don't think I'm called to be in a parish...". I looked at various food and faith non-profits, being a professor - anything. Nothing seemed to fit. I'd had the external call for years, but wasn't listening to my internal call.
It all started this spring semester. I was having lunch with a good friend of mine from Holden Village, Colleen Foote, in a little diner off the highway in central Minnesota. We had a lot to catch up on, and got on the topic of jobs. She had accepted a job out West, and was wondering what I was planning. I said, "I don't know...I just want to serve people and make them realize Christ broken for them in the midst of their suffering...I want to deal with people's brokenness and attempt to give words of grace." I realized, "maybe there's something there?"
I had another 2.5 hour-long lunch conversation with my home pastor, who asked if I was still on the M.A. track. I wrote the Southeast Minnesota ELCA Synod Office two days later and asked for an initial application. After I submitted my application a few days later, I went up to Grand Rapids to work with St. Andrew's for the week. It was beginning to get dark, and I had another 3 hours ahead of me on 1-35. I began to say aloud, "Dean. Pastor. Pastor. Pastor." Just repeating it. And it felt right - a giant wave of inner peace settled and it felt right. I can't explain it adequately, really, but it feels good. I have my entrance interview on May 9th, and am completing all the steps towards that interview.
I'm still planning on incorporating baking heavily into my ministry as a future pastor. I hope to emphasize the Eucharist, I hope to make tangible the body and blood of Christ broken for them in the midst of their lives - in their joys and their sorrows - and to help every person realize that they are a beloved child of God and that Christ meets them where they are. I hope to serve a church in a rural community, whether it be in the midst of cornfields or in the woods of northern Minnesota - I hope to serve in a place that is small and where mainstream/modern American sociocultural values aren't the norm. I hope to work with and for the rural faithful and to welcome them all to the table. Whether they know Christ or are just entering the church for the first time, whether they are single or married or gay or straight I want people to know that God's salvific grace is good for all, that they are claimed as children of God, that Christ's wounds are sufficient and that the Spirit intercedes for them. I'm a long ways away from serving in an ordained capacity, but at least this a beginning. A post of hopes, dreams, and wonderings.
As you go into this night, may you ponder what God is up to in your life. I promise you, God's up to amazing things.
May it be so. Amen.
Dean
